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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

False Not the News Network - 8-2-06

False Not the News Network – Born on Date 8/2/06

Covering American Political Events While Intoxicated giving you the Fair and Tipsy facts…

Today President Bush recognized the nations need for relief given the heat wave of hundred plus temperatures and offered some Energy Tax reliefe to the nation. Effective tommorow the nation has an energy break on its electric bill to help keep the temps down. Temporary workers in Americas government offices will be banned from sucking up any air conditioned air. Surplus US Navy diver tanks will be placed at critical office entrances and temps will be forced to don the tanks. Government workers with extreme Southern accents will have to prove citezenship through a lengthy HLS process that may take months. President Bush was pleased to see half the nation not sweating as he signed the bill.

Expanding his immediate relief to the nations energy needs he is asking the Congress to pass overwhelming legislation to make air conditioning for whole houses and inground pools tax deductible for income earners over $1,000,000. The savings from this energy bill could be dumped back into the economy as immigrants from hot nations invade America with car wash and wax workers. During a brief White House open mic speech he had a few comments. “I’m glad that with this expanded energy saving bill that we can still creat jobs for our people, good paying jobs. Jobs that have to get done. And stuff like that. It’s all about jobs.”

In other news President Cheney… I mean Vice President Cheney was tackled by his secret service detail during a White House press conference. Full details are not available but inside sources tell us he saw a bee near the President and was risking his own life to kill it.

The Senate today passed a law on Oil Drilling in Coastal waters. Senator Kennedy of Mass. Was outraged as sixty oil rigs were raised overnight twenty feet from the Kennedy family compound in the waters off Hyannis, MA. Governor Mitt Romney was very displeased as he had strictly signed on for wind power on the Senators back stoop.

We will be back right after this commercial from our friends over at Haliburton… Feeding our troops for $12,095 each per day…

This just in... Iraq President Jalal Talabani said Wednesday that Iraqi forces will assume security duties for the whole country by hiring private security firms such as Wackenahut and Pinkertonson to take the place of American and coalition forces by January of 2007. Security Guards will have cell phones with speed dial settings to the police in New York city.

This post is a satire on daily events and it is sponsored by…YOU!
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