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False Not the News Network – Born on Date 7/31/06

Covering American Political Events While Intoxicated giving you the Fair and Tipsy facts…

Everyone in Miami today is grabbing their crotches as the President threatened to turn his full focus on domestic agenda. Sales of athletic supporters and men’s cups were up by eighty percent prior to his arrival. Local Athletic stores and Flack jacket stores praised his work on being aggressive with the economy.

Shoppers at the local Squiggly Piggly Tail Market had their coupons and pocket lint taken by strong arm of advanced storm trooper GOP fund raisers. The elderly on fixed incomes were however given receipts stating that they did in fact get a COLA raise with their Social Security this past year and thus should shut the hell up.

Local celebrities and political operatives were hosting a $10,000,000 per plate dinner where President Bush is the key speaker on regular American Values, Poverty and some other word he likes to say a lot. Inside sources tell us that he was practicing his speech and repeating the word “Deciderer”.

The President was to discuss his plans for the future of America as soon as somebody told him what that might be. President Cheney…I mean Vice President Cheney was noticeably absent from the events. D.C. Sources Tell FNNN that the Vice President was furious that W had stolen the keys to Air Force One again and would be placed in time out on his return.

The President declared today that American’s need to sacrifice more for their nations future to fight the terrorists running rampant in some parts of Indiana, Kansas and Wisconsin. Speaking of cheese heads he will be touring the Port of Miami on Monday with hopes of finding his favorite cheese snack, Port Wine. He has reportedly been told that he is full up with crackers and just needs the Port Wine cheese.

Absent in the domestic agenda tour was the President’s brother Jeb Bush the Governor of Florida. Recent local reports were that he was last seen swimming for Cuba. US Coast Guard Vessels have reported him at almost ten miles out. His Disney character duck water wings are holding up fine.

We will be back with more stories from FNNN after this advertisement from Big Oil. Stay tuned for our stroy on the government saving of millions of lives by evicting all of Alaska because of a possible terrorist threat from Al Quida Polar Bears and Ninja Seals.

This has been a satire on the events of today… I hope you enjoyed it.
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