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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Volatility of the Iowan Principal

When it comes time to sorting out the wheat from the chaff in presidential politics I’m having a little more faith in the people of Iowa lately. While the main stream media is declaring Hillary or Mitt the winner in Iowa I have it in full confidence that the people of Iowa have their own opinion.

Daily polling numbers are changing and those that were on top for months are finding themselves sliding into the cheap seats at the opera. I chalk it up to the people of Iowa are slowly coming close to a decision on whom is real and who is Memorex.

Those pesky Iowans are ruining this election for all of the people that should be on top. I’m thinking and dreaming of life in the homes of the candidates that are now no longer number one in the polls and it is so very clear to me. Damn it they spent freaking millions on you farmers (Stereotype) and this is how you show your appreciation.

Hillary has probably beaten the day lights out of Bill every single night of the week for his comments on Iraq. Spousal abuse knows no boundaries and this isn’t the first time she’s kicked his ass.

Mike Huckabee is running from one shopping center to the next like a madman stuffing dollar bills in the Salvation Army kettles to show his thanks. Whispering all the way “Holy Crap, I can’t believe these idiots are buying the minister routine.”

Mitt is off to his hairstylist because only she knows him. Maybe he can spill his guts on the whole Mormon issue while he gets that unibrow finally dealt with. Then again the nails are looking just atrocious and that girl is a great listener.

Barack Obama is going to have a heavy hangover because the truck load of Champaign and Sam Adams (Harvard thingy) will be flowing heavy as he surpasses her Majesty Clinton in the polls. That and the fact that somebody stole the hubcaps off Hillary’s limo and she immediately blamed the Obama camp. Real story is that Bill Clinton did it to get back at her for the kick in the groin just for good measure for the Monica incident.

Joe Biden is still flipping burgers over at the local diner in Des Moines because he needed the money. Don’t laugh, Bill Richardson is one of the nastiest customers, he likes his burgers cooked just so. For the record, Joe did not spit in the special sauce. Don’t believe everything you read.

Speaking of tempers, Johnny McCain is probably still reciting one hundred times a night… “I will not show anger, I will not show anger, I will not show anger… Oh screw them bastard’s!” He made it to three tonight and that is an improvement. He’s calling Don Imus to see how the hell he handles anger management issues.

Don’t even start me on Denis Kucinich and his babe of a wife. Lucky. She must like guys with big thoughts and stuff like that. Either that or she likes how he can pull anything out of his pockets. How does he do that? Then again there is that alien from outer space theory out there. Denny is from Mars and she is from Venus thingy. I think I read that in the National Enquirer or something.

Ron Paul is surfing the net. He is a Ninja of Google and the art of hanging ten with his grass roots organization. He’s responding at this very minute to email number 29,873,478 if he is actually running for President of the United States. He answers all of his emails personally.

Rudi is back at the hotel blaming wife number three and number two and of course he can’t leave out wife number one. Then again maybe he can get some real dirt on Huckabee. Did he ever get drunk off the communion wine and did he pay tax on it? There has to be an angle to nail that so called minister on. Nobody in New York City has secrets and Arkansas can’t be all that different.

The screams of terror from the Dodd household can be heard from blocks away as he once more proves that men in his position should not be changing diapers if he is to be truly taken seriously.

Damn cat woke me up from my dream again. Why does he always attack my feet when my REM sleep is at its peek? Anyone have a Tums? Apparently, the indigestion of the evening meal gave me night terrors and Hillary Clinton was winning in Iowa. No matter I liked the Gene Kelly episode of Huckabee dancing in the rain with all of those bells ringing.

***** This post was comedic in content and none of the situations dictated actually happened in real life. Allegedly! I’m a Blogger and I have dreams. Some people sleep walk, I sleep type.

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