War On Christmas Victims
After putting all of our reporting staff on the subject we discovered a massive coverup that went all the way to the top. Santa organized these domestic terrorists. His network was world wide and duped every government in the world just to get free cookies and carrots for himself and his addicted flock of reindeer.
National Security now list Christmas Trees as a domestic terrorist threat that have been known to drop sharp needles for barefoot unsuspecting American's to step on and say "Ouch!" The industrial military complex is studying how these sleeper cells infiltrated so deeply in most American homes. Ornaments nationwide will be tested next year for spying or looking really neat on dead trees.
This reporter still believes that these trees were just a pawn in the war on Christmas. They served their purpose and now they are considered useless. Someone with a kind heart should start a fund for all these warriors of Christmas. They fought the good fight. They leave behind millions of off spring pine cones. Who is going to care for their families?