NOT THE NEWS FLASH! Monica Lewinsky Throws Thong In The Ring: Cites White House "Experience"

BY MICHAEL LINN JONES

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS A COMPLETE FABRICATION USING THE NAMES OF REAL PEOPLE. YES, A PACK OF LIES, BUT THEN THAT QUALIFIES ME AS A GOOD SPEECHWRITER.

P.U. News Service (Washington)--- In a hastily arranged press conference, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky declared herself a candidate for president.

Lewinsky is basing her qualifications upon the premise of White House experience, basing THAT upon Senator Hillary Clinton's claim of said experience.

The new candidate expanded upon this: "Look, I've thought about this. A lot. I mean, I have White House experience too. (snide chortling from some reporters). I've been willing to stick my neck out on the job (murmured laughter) and besides, I wouldn't have gotten into all that trouble if Hillary had been doing her REAL White House job in the first place."

Asked about foreign policy experience, Lewinsky emphasised that she visits Cancun at least once a year. Also, she claims extensive service in South Padre Island. (statement later retracted when it was pointed out that South Padre Island is in Texas)

Lewinsky continued:

"We need a woman in the White House. But not just any woman, and certainly not THAT woman (Hillary Clinton). This country needs someone in the White House who is willing to get on their knees in the Oval Office in service to the American people. And I've done that. Just ask the Smithsonian, they have the proof."

A reporter asked, "Does this mean you're willing to put your money where your mouth is?"

Lewinsky replied, "Yes. Or vice versa"

Riotous laughter broke out, security was called and the room vacated, ending the press conference.

Asked for comment, Senator Clinton demurred, although one reporter overheard her muttering, "That stupid b****!"

Former President Bill Clinton was also contacted. His first response was "Who?" Pressed on the matter, however, Mr. Clinton said that he has not ever had sexual relations with either woman.

Clinton brushed by reporters on his way to begin a short vacation from his wife's campaign.

Reportedly, his destination is.....Cancun.

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P.U. Weather Update:

After Green Bay's loss to the Chicago Bears at Soldier's Field...a game played in conditions so bleak even Polar bears wouldn't do the wave....quarterback Brett Favre was asked for comment.

"I'll be honest with you. It was cold as hell out there."

Nicely said, Mr. Favre, and let's hope the Dallas Cowboys regret having home field "advantage" when the Packers come calling. (NOTE: P.U. News is totally biased. Since the Carolina Panthers totally turned to mush this year we don't really care who wins the Superbowl. As long as it's not Dallas. So there.)
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Cross-posted at Michaellinnjones.com

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