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Monday, May 07, 2007

Not the News Round Up...

This post is courtesy of and offered by my good friend Michael Linn Jones to Papamoka Straight Talk. Thank you Mike Jones for offering it to be posted here.

Written By Michael Linn Jones

Disclaimer: Anyone taking this seriously will be assigned to assist John Edwards’ hairstylist for the rest of the presidential campaign.

PU - (WASHINGTON) - President Bush announced today his selection of his new “War Czar” to coordinate the successful conclusion of combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.

President Bush claims that his choice, Nicholas “Just Call Me Nick” Romanov II, will do “a heckuva job” in finally bringing focus to the war effort. At a secret underground location, Romanov and his chief assistant; a mysterious man with the code name “Rasputin”, have already put forward several proposals for White House approval.

Said Romanov, “It is time to end the dependence upon the volunteers to further the interests of the motherland United States. Conscription should be introduced among the peasantry. For too long now, the nobility have carried the burden of sacrifice. The President himself has enjoyed only an aggregate two years of vacation while in office. This abuse of the leader must stop.”

The president said he has looked into Romanov’s eyes, and has seen a man truly committed. Apparently so; Mr. Romanov and Mr. Rasputin were both once guests of the National Center For Delusional Leaders Clinic and Butner, NC.

Rumors abound that Rasputin is joining VP Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.

PU - (ATLANTA) - Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced today that he is willing to rule the American people if they prove themselves worthy of his attention.
Sources indicate that Gingrich has grown bored and tired with his present occupation: delivering court subpoenas to those confined in hospital beds. “I think the time has come“, said Gingrich “to open the door of opportunity for all
Americans to benefit from my intellect.“ Gingrich also went on to say that he hopes the other candidates see the wisdom in withdrawing from the campaign.

Some in Washington regard many of Gingrich’s proposals as questionable, such as annexing Canada and placing all illegal aliens there, thus eliminating the need for immigration reform.

Also, eyebrows have been raised at his “Maximum Leader For Life” idea to replace the presidency. Scholars are most upset about the Gingrich proposed Department Of Historical Revisionism. This would, they claim, have a President Gingrich winning the American Revolution, charging up San Juan Hill, negotiating the surrender of Robert E. Lee, and inventing the DVD, among other things.

PU - Weather

General forecast: Periods of clouds and rain. Also sunshine and drought. Temperatures will be warmer if not sometimes but exclusively cooler, depending upon your latitude and the time of year. Also, it will tend to darken after sunset. – Gun Toting Liberal

Mike and his style of writing amaze me and I thank him for letting me post it here. Check him out over at the Gun Toting Liberal and you will be amazed at how much he makes you go Hmmmm?


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