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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Twilight Book Series Widower

Over the past week I have become a book widower. My wife is addicted to the works of Stephanie Meyer and her Twilight series. Now the book series has infected my eleven and thirteen year old daughters as well. I’m finding that this is now a reading plague and it has infected many of my wife’s co-workers and thus creating dozens of other book widowers.

The wife started reading the first book Twilight, about two weeks ago and she has not been seen since, and then she started book two, New Moon. She finished that book off and infected the eleven year old child who read the six hundred plus pages of Twilight in three days time and is now spreading the dreaded disease to her older sister. Book three Eclipse and book four Breaking Dawn came into the house the other day and a friend borrowed book one today. Now the wife is on book four Breaking Dawn and I have a good feeling that that will be about the time she finishes reading it.

Neighbors have sent over casserole dishes that I can heat up for the family that is left over and I thank them for the sympathy and well wishes. We couldn’t have any formal religious service because the books are about vampires and such things. I’m going to plan a simple non denominational service by the bookshelf. Maybe a peaceful candle protest in front of Barnes and Nobel, or Borders. I’m sure as hell going to fire off an email to those monsters at Amazon that dare to spread reading of books by adults and children that mesmerizes them into a zombie like mode.

Now I hear they have a movie coming out too! Great, can these people not see that I have lost enough already. Do they have no soul or conscience?

Twilight the book and the movie. Next thing I need to hear is that they are must read books and a must see movie! Damn you Stephanie Meyer for writing so damn well! How dare you get my children to read like never before!


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

When Twilight came out two years ago I was a rep at Scholastic Book Fairs, we all were given copies and we all seen who would finish the book first..It was a huge hit in the office, not so much with our catholic schools

7:53 PM  
Blogger daniel said...

sadly, the same has happened to me. my wife has read all of the books on numerous occasions. she has the soundtrack that ive had to hear more times than i can stomach without becoming ill. and now the movie is set to release on dvd soon and shes planning on going to the release party.
in most cases this is forgivable, but it gets worse. shes recently discovered a sight of fan fiction where other addicts such as herself write their own stories based on the twilight series. i guess its to hold them over until another movie or book is released. but she participates daily. for example, its currently 6am and im waking up. my wife is just now going to bed. shes been up all night reading these stories and working to write her own. its been like this every night for about two months. the kids and i rarely see her anymore.
to add to my predicament, my birthday was last week and my wife decided to have some friends over for a party. well she got completely hammered. after everyone left, i had to console her and put her to bed, but not before spending two hours listening to her QUOTE lines from the books... word for word. she continued ranting until she passed out.
sadly i only think this is going to get worse. ive heard another book is coing out, and possibly another movie or two.

5:34 AM  

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