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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Text Message Idiot

I have to confess that I am a Text Message Idiot and that I suffer from TMI Syndrome. My children text me, my wife text’s me, my friends and family text me. They send me pictures, they send me videos, they send me all kinds of things that I could legally go to jail for in some foreign countries. Some of it is funny, some of it is cute, then some of it is just down right disgusting but I can’t figure out how to forward the damn things! Thus I am the classic TMI poster boy.

My fingers try to type out the messages back but the damn auto think logic in my cell phone turns my words into other words that don’t make sense. I try to re-write the text around the one word and it changes the letters around on another word. I then try to re-write that part and yet another word is turned into something that does not make any sense. By that time I am so frustrated that I just close up the cell phone, slam it down and just give up. I am however fluent in one word responses like OK, Yes, and LOL. Getting past that point… I’m screwed.

Then there is this whole other language in hieroglyphics or something out of ancient worlds that I can not comprehend. I did a Google Search and I found the beginning of the end of the English language as we know it and it is based in texting. Damn you to hell texters! Net Lingo has the conspiracy and encryption decoded and now we that can not text have these infidels code of speak so to speak. Then again… I’m still screwed.

Don’t even think that I don’t know about that three button typing for each key thingamajig! Hit the button once for A, twice for B, and three times for C and so the list goes on for the alphabet. You don’t want to know how many times I came close to just tossing the phone out of the window or front door of my house. Damn you to hell evil technology! This so called cell phone texting technology was not built for someone with a nervous system disorder prone to shakes having to type using limited options and buttons so small that trying to hit one key ends up hitting three others in the process.

Do cell phones and texting scare me? Oh, you don’t want to even go there. I’m the man that screams at the ATM machine when it asks me if I want to conduct my transaction in English as soon as I put my card in the damn machine. Then the damn machine has the audacity to ask me if I want a receipt for my transaction. I get a receipt when I put my money into the bank so why the hell are they asking me if I want one when I take it out of the bank? What part of idiocy did I catch and why am I nearly disabled with it? Maybe my personal DNA does not have the electronic acceptance gene marker that can skip a generation. My kids don’t have it and that is a fact. My thirteen year old hooked up a VCR and DVD to a television that I thought should never be able to accept either but she found a way to hook them both up? She must have gotten that gene from her mothers side of the family. I still can’t figure out the remote for our damn cable box and most of the time it does not matter because the six year old has it! Thankfully, I have my six year old that also has the electronic technology gene and she is more than happy to help her Daddy find the television she likes to watch.

I don’t want to call back the people that sent me a simple text because they have moved on past the moment. It was funny, interesting or even irrelevant to real life when they sent it to me. The first few times that I called the wife back on some funny text she had sent me, she yelled at me for not just texting her back. She didn’t have time to take my call? So why the hell did she text me in the first place then? I think you can guess who has won this war. Ergo, my text usage on our cell phone plan is nearly nothing. Everyone that knows me, knows that I am a Text Messaging Idiot. TMI is not something to laugh at. This is the illiteracy of the new century. Some day you will not be able to buy a loaf of bread or even a cup of coffee without being able to text someone what you want. Ozzy Osbourne is good but what about the rest of us suffering with TMI?

I’m thinking about starting a text messaging idiot hotline where texting is not allowed. You have to pick up the phone and actually call and talk to someone. I don’t think we will need to hold meetings or anything because most of us are still having a hard time trying to find the damn redial option on our cell phones to find out where the meetings will be held. If we do decide to hold TMI meetings, look for a large pile of cell phones on the sidewalk and the nearest late night breakfast diner.

Now I have to ask the hardest question for our readers ever. Are you too a text messaging idiot? Do you suffer from little button disorder? I’m asking because I honestly think the drug companies in America could come up with a fix for this. It might take a couple of billion dollars in research but would you pay for a little blue pill that would allow you to text message?


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I absolutely hate texting conversations! A "meet me here" note is fine, but more than that sends me off the deep end. Gimme e-mail anyday, for sending the written(typed) word. LOL! You mentioned two things that make smoke come out of my ears. The words taking form on their own as you type them (grr!) and ATM machines, well, being ATM machines (GRRR!!). Especially those dang talking ATM machines, that mock us in a sexy European accent. True text message idiots are those who drive and text. How in the world do people figure they can safely do that?

As bad as my cell phone signal is, and maybe that's a blessing in disguise, I'll have to leave you Thanksgiving wishes here instead of on your TMI hotline. It ain't a voice, but it also won't cause "Blackberry Syndrome."

May your home be wrapped in love, laughter, and the aroma of good food on Thanksgiving. *love and hugs*

11:55 PM  
Blogger Papamoka said...

Thank you Chell... Ya got me blushing... LOL!!! Right back at ya my little sis from anotha motha...

9:30 PM  
Blogger B.J. said...

People who never communicated before (snail mail, landline phone, face-to-face conversation) suddenly are anxious to “communicate.” It’s my theory they are merely trying to justify the expense of their new TOYS. I had company come spend a few days this summer, and I swear to God the first 24 hours they were here all they did was text message friends and family back home. If one was upstairs, he or she would even text message the other who was downstairs!!!! Well, you know me, I tell it like it is. I told them I live for visitors and if they got one more damn text message I was throwing their FN cell phones out the front door. I think they got the message – and it wasn’t texted! BJ

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Messages said...

Hi How r u ?
I like ur site. U have very help ful information. Thanks for information.
Text Messages

12:20 PM  

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