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Saturday, March 22, 2008

Big Bank Buyout

There is a probable solution to our nations banking crisis that started out with all of those bad loans that then turned into millions of foreclosures. Keep in mind you have to think like a wheeler and dealer like billionaire’ Donald Trump or Warren Buffet to make this proposition work.

If Bear Sterns could be bought for $2 per share then I think it’s possible for this blogger to enter the high finance games of Wall Street. First off you have to read this piece over at Reuters…

Goldman, Lehman outlooks cut to "negative" by S&P
By Jonathan Stempel

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Goldman Sachs Group Inc's and Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc's credit rating outlooks were cut on Friday by Standard & Poor's, which said volatile markets could result in lower profit and revenue.

S&P revised its outlook to "negative" from "stable" on Goldman's "AA-minus" and Lehman's "A-plus" long-term credit ratings, suggesting a possible downgrade in one to two years.


Banks have suffered from lower earnings and share prices as the housing crisis, a slowing economy and worries about credit quality led investors to stop buying a wide range of riskier securities. This has cut into revenue from trading, arranging debt offerings, and advising on mergers.

Several banks have also been cutting jobs, and Bear Stearns Cos agreed last Sunday to a $2-per-share buyout by JPMorgan Chase & Co after a cash crisis.

S&P still has a negative outlook on Merrill Lynch & Co's "A-plus" credit rating, and expects to decide within 30 days whether to downgrade Morgan Stanley's "AA-minus" rating. The credit rating agency said net revenue in the industry may decline 20 percent to 30 percent this year.
- Reuters

Keep in mind that my plan to buyout one of the nations largest investment banks will involve a little principal I like to call the meek shall inherit the earth. In this case I’m talking about all of us that have been victims to bad loans, poor decisions and foreclosure on our homes. Believe it or not we all hang out at the local diner sipping coffee and blaming Wall Street for our lot in life. For the sake of argument lets assume that there are ten million of us. It’s a big diner!

All we need to buyout Goldman Sach’s and Lehmans is fifty-one percent of the shares so right off the bat we have a 49% discount. All of the members of our little club have to contribute to the plan for this to work so here goes. Below is my top secret plan for us to finance our plan. Remember this is top secret so don’t tell anyone.

We’ve all gotten those flyers in the mail that you get $25 if you open a new savings account, we each open an account and pool the results. Then we look for all the banks offering free toasters and we open an account and sell the ill gotten toasters on Ebay for $50 each. (Really nice top of the line toasters with the assumption that there will be a bidding war for all ten million of them.) Again pooling all of the money. Seeing that we are all going to be high finance bankers we are going to need reliable transportation to get to Wall Street. We each buy a new car and pool the $1000 cash rebate. Before we give the dealer our old clunker of a car we each find $10 in spare change in it. We need a Green side to this buy out so everyone has to collect $100 worth of bottle and can deposits from the side of the road. Since we are going to be dealing with stocks and bonds we are all going to need new computers so we each buy a top of the line computer with a $400 rebate on the computer and a $100 rebate on all of the software.

This is the really creative part of the financing… We each sign up for that beta testing for tracking emails that Microsoft is undertaking. That should pay each of us $2000 and Bill Gates will thank each and everyone of us for helping him out. Next up, we each email back all of those crooked bankers in Africa that have $30,000,000.00 sitting in dead men’s checking accounts.

If my math is correct it looks like out little group of dead beat losers has to much money now. That’s a nice problem to have. It looks like we can take Goldman Sach’s and Lehman private at $4 per share. Oh, I almost forgot, we each have a $1 off coupon! With the change we have left over it looks like we can buy Canada and rent it back to them.

The Donald will be so proud of us…


Feel free to link to or borrow this post…
Cross posted at
*****Reuters has picked up this post...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

3:40 PM  

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